A Tale of Two Mothers
I will be 64 this month, and needless to say, I've been friends with and known hundreds of different types of mothers in my lifetime. We're all different in our own way, of course, but I can't stop thinking about this theme that keeps crossing my mind. Let me say at the outset, that I am NOT describing anyone in particular, so please don't be offended if it appears I'm describing you. I'm not. In many ways, this is a reflection of myself and some mothers I've known down through the years.
With that said, this is story of two different kinds of mothers. The first mother I'll name "Sophie" (because I don't know anyone by that name, except for a dog I once had). Sophie was raised in a wonderful, loving home by two parents. They weren't wealthy, but they always had what they needed. Sophie was raised to know right from wrong, manners and a general code of ethics of how to treat others. Sophie did well in school - it came easy for her - and she seemed to excel at everything she did. She had many friends and some would even say she was popular. Sophie was attractive, so boys were naturally interested in her, and her social life was fun and easy. As she grew older and "Mr. Right" came along, she knew he was the one, because her father taught her that she was a "princess" and she should never settle for anything less than a man who would treat her the way she deserved to be treated. Sophie married and subsequently had children, which completed her ideal of the family she desired. She was a good mother - patient, kind and always with a listening ear. She wasn't perfect, but she apologized when she was wrong, whether it was to her husband, her children or others. When she became a grandmother, she took a long look at her life and had very few regrets. She lived well, loved her family and friends and made a difference in her small part of the world. Her life was full and a blessing to herself and others.
The second mother I'll name "Candy," (as I also don't know anyone by that name, or have I - nor would I - name a dog that). Candy was raised by a mom who was an alcoholic, and a father who drifted in and out of her life. Candy was abused as a young girl, both physically and sexually, and because she mistakenly felt it was her fault, she carried that guilt her entire life, never receiving the help she needed. Candy wasn't able to concentrate in school because of what was happening in her home, and so her grades were poor. She eventually dropped out of high school because of the constant, critical pressure from her peers and never got her GED. Because of that, she resorted to low-paying jobs where she could get them. And because it was a toxic environment at home with her mother, she sought out anywhere else to live - even if it meant selling herself in exchange for room and board. She, of course, never thought she deserved better than that anyway, because it was never taught to her. In fact, she learned the opposite, and ended up believing that lie. Candy became promiscuous, as that was the only attribute she felt she had to offer. She ended up having several children by several different men, who then treated her as badly as the first time she was ever abused. It was a vicious circle that kept perpetrating itself because she didn't know any better. She was not an attentive mother, became an alcoholic like her own mother, and neglected her children in the same way she was neglected. As Candy got older and became a grandmother, there came a point in time where she desired to change and make it right with her children, but she had no idea how to do that. Morals, ethics and love are learned attributes, and if a child is never taught or receives it, that child grows into an adult who has little understanding of how to attain it. As Candy looked back on her life, it caused her a great deal of pain, as she had so many regrets. She wondered if her children - and God - would ever forgive her for all the mistakes she made.
Now, I could have easily tweaked each story a bit, as no one's real life is exactly like either one of these, but I'm trying to draw a parallel. Some are far worse, and some are better - and some are a mix of the two. I know mine is. But to be honest, I'm not even sure why God put this so heavy on my heart, plus I don't have a conclusion to the story. I mean, most of us understand that how we're raised is generally how we make future choices in our lives. That's obvious. But I think there's something more here that we need to grasp.
We're either born into privilege, or we're not. We're either born into a free country, or we're not. We're either born with good parents who raise us properly, or we're born to parents who are slaves to alcohol and drugs. We either have a healthy, "normal" childhood, or we have a childhood where we were subjected to horrific abuse. And sometimes, it appears that life is simply not "fair."
The common denominator to both of these stories, as well as every one of ours, is that God loves each of us the exact same way. He does not love Sophie more than Candy, even though Sophie is a more "likable" character. "At least she didn't neglect and abuse her children and wasn't an alcoholic," is what we silently think. However, the Bible says God is no respecter of persons! He knows each of our struggles and lives and all the horrible things we've done, and that were done to us. His compassion and mercy is new every, single morning. So as I was telling someone last night, every morning, brings new and fresh possibilities - like a clean slate. I may have messed up yesterday, but if I asked God to forgive me last night, when I rise in the morning, I have a brand new day to try, try again. There's very few things better than that, in my opinion. Guilt and pain from a past we cannot change, disappears when you ask for God's forgiveness; and then all we have to do is simply just move on.
Ok, so I guess I just got the conclusion to the story, which is much simpler than I assumed it would be. And as is appropriate, one of my favorite scriptures encapsulates all of life in one, simple sentence - whether we are a "Sophie," a "Candy" or a mixture of both:
"Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man." Ecclesiastes 12:13 KJV
With that said, this is story of two different kinds of mothers. The first mother I'll name "Sophie" (because I don't know anyone by that name, except for a dog I once had). Sophie was raised in a wonderful, loving home by two parents. They weren't wealthy, but they always had what they needed. Sophie was raised to know right from wrong, manners and a general code of ethics of how to treat others. Sophie did well in school - it came easy for her - and she seemed to excel at everything she did. She had many friends and some would even say she was popular. Sophie was attractive, so boys were naturally interested in her, and her social life was fun and easy. As she grew older and "Mr. Right" came along, she knew he was the one, because her father taught her that she was a "princess" and she should never settle for anything less than a man who would treat her the way she deserved to be treated. Sophie married and subsequently had children, which completed her ideal of the family she desired. She was a good mother - patient, kind and always with a listening ear. She wasn't perfect, but she apologized when she was wrong, whether it was to her husband, her children or others. When she became a grandmother, she took a long look at her life and had very few regrets. She lived well, loved her family and friends and made a difference in her small part of the world. Her life was full and a blessing to herself and others.
The second mother I'll name "Candy," (as I also don't know anyone by that name, or have I - nor would I - name a dog that). Candy was raised by a mom who was an alcoholic, and a father who drifted in and out of her life. Candy was abused as a young girl, both physically and sexually, and because she mistakenly felt it was her fault, she carried that guilt her entire life, never receiving the help she needed. Candy wasn't able to concentrate in school because of what was happening in her home, and so her grades were poor. She eventually dropped out of high school because of the constant, critical pressure from her peers and never got her GED. Because of that, she resorted to low-paying jobs where she could get them. And because it was a toxic environment at home with her mother, she sought out anywhere else to live - even if it meant selling herself in exchange for room and board. She, of course, never thought she deserved better than that anyway, because it was never taught to her. In fact, she learned the opposite, and ended up believing that lie. Candy became promiscuous, as that was the only attribute she felt she had to offer. She ended up having several children by several different men, who then treated her as badly as the first time she was ever abused. It was a vicious circle that kept perpetrating itself because she didn't know any better. She was not an attentive mother, became an alcoholic like her own mother, and neglected her children in the same way she was neglected. As Candy got older and became a grandmother, there came a point in time where she desired to change and make it right with her children, but she had no idea how to do that. Morals, ethics and love are learned attributes, and if a child is never taught or receives it, that child grows into an adult who has little understanding of how to attain it. As Candy looked back on her life, it caused her a great deal of pain, as she had so many regrets. She wondered if her children - and God - would ever forgive her for all the mistakes she made.
Now, I could have easily tweaked each story a bit, as no one's real life is exactly like either one of these, but I'm trying to draw a parallel. Some are far worse, and some are better - and some are a mix of the two. I know mine is. But to be honest, I'm not even sure why God put this so heavy on my heart, plus I don't have a conclusion to the story. I mean, most of us understand that how we're raised is generally how we make future choices in our lives. That's obvious. But I think there's something more here that we need to grasp.
We're either born into privilege, or we're not. We're either born into a free country, or we're not. We're either born with good parents who raise us properly, or we're born to parents who are slaves to alcohol and drugs. We either have a healthy, "normal" childhood, or we have a childhood where we were subjected to horrific abuse. And sometimes, it appears that life is simply not "fair."
The common denominator to both of these stories, as well as every one of ours, is that God loves each of us the exact same way. He does not love Sophie more than Candy, even though Sophie is a more "likable" character. "At least she didn't neglect and abuse her children and wasn't an alcoholic," is what we silently think. However, the Bible says God is no respecter of persons! He knows each of our struggles and lives and all the horrible things we've done, and that were done to us. His compassion and mercy is new every, single morning. So as I was telling someone last night, every morning, brings new and fresh possibilities - like a clean slate. I may have messed up yesterday, but if I asked God to forgive me last night, when I rise in the morning, I have a brand new day to try, try again. There's very few things better than that, in my opinion. Guilt and pain from a past we cannot change, disappears when you ask for God's forgiveness; and then all we have to do is simply just move on.
Ok, so I guess I just got the conclusion to the story, which is much simpler than I assumed it would be. And as is appropriate, one of my favorite scriptures encapsulates all of life in one, simple sentence - whether we are a "Sophie," a "Candy" or a mixture of both:
"Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man." Ecclesiastes 12:13 KJV
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